


Insecurity

by Liza0111



Category: Heavy Rain
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-05-19 10:55:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14872433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liza0111/pseuds/Liza0111
Summary: Ethan finds Norman awake late in the night, contemplating about his past.





	Insecurity

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed be another ficlet for the drabble collection, but it got a little longer than expected. I love Norman Jayden and I am sorry I spam the HR tag everyday.

On a particularly quiet night in the summer, Ethan stays up late in his study to work on a project his new boss assigned him. He knows his child is soundly sleeping in his room, and because the air in the house is completely still, he assumes his partner is already asleep as well.

 

Three hours later, Ethan finds himself in a pile of sketches of new designs he made, and the time shown on the digital clock on his desk  is much later than he expected. Rubbing his tired eyes, the architect decides it is probably time to call it a night.

 

When the man walks into the bedroom belong to him and his boyfriend, he is surprised to see the young profiler sitting on the bed, staring out the window blankly. Norman seems to be in his own world, not even realizing Ethan’s presence in the room.

 

“Norm?” Worry quickly seeps into the father’s voice. His natural tendency to let his mind lead him to the worst possible scenario in every situation quickly kicks in. Why is Norman still awake? Is he feeling alright? Is it the withdrawals again?

 

Hearing his name from his lover’s lips immediately brings Norman’s attention back to reality. He turns his head, and immediately smiles at his partner. That smile, however, as Ethan easily discerns, is forced and empty. “Hey……Ethan.”

 

“Having trouble sleeping?” Ethan climbs onto the bed, claiming the space right next to Norman like it is the most natural thing ever. He can tell something is off with his boyfriend, but he doesn’t want to push him if he isn’t comfortable with telling him.

 

The FBI agent hesitates for a second, then nods slowly. Ethan doesn’t speak. Instead, he slowly intertwines his fingers with Norman’s, holding his hand gently.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Finally, after a brief moment of silence, he asks patiently.

 

It takes Norman a while, but he ultimately starts talking softly. “This probably sounds……really silly, but I was feeling a little insecure, I guess.” He moves closer to Ethan, and feels the older man’s arms coiling around his shoulder so Norman can lean against him. “I joined the FBI four years ago……And sometimes I don’t know if I am good at my job. I mean, when I first started, I probably wasn’t a very good agent. I missed clues, took too long putting pieces together, and didn’t always accomplish my missions.” Norman sighs, his voice gradually getting smaller and weaker. “There were people……whom I couldn’t save. If I had worked harder, maybe I could have saved them……And I can’t really ever forget about them. I let the victims and their families down. I failed them.” By the end of his sentence, the agent feels like he can hardly continue talking anymore. The lump in the back of his throat is preventing him from saying another word.

 

Even though Ethan can’t see the expression on Norman’s face, he can sense the sadness from his voice, and it breaks his heart into a million pieces. Norman must have come across hundreds of horrific cases working as a profiler at the FBI. And he knows his boyfriend isn’t just like any other agent. While he is rational and collected the majority of the time, he is also compassionate, sympathetic, and does have an emotional side to him. It is within his natural tendency to care for people, even for those who antagonizes him and puts him down. He wants to save people above anything. Unlike the corrupted policemen in this town, Norman never sought after fame or celebrity status. None of his motivation was about himself. All he wanted from the Origami Killer case was to find the missing child alive and well.

 

It is such a Norman thing to keep reminding himself of past failures, unable to let go. Ethan holds Norman closer, wanting to make sure his boyfriend knows how he feels. “Norm……everyone has to have a starting point. Nobody was perfect the moment they start at their job. I know it is different for you, since you are dealing with precious lives, but you have to learn to forgive yourself.” He knows he is getting through to the brunet, because he can feel Norman’s body going from tense to slowly relaxing. “You did the best you could at the time. Do you know why I know that? Because you are the most amazing person I have ever met. You never gives up, you never stop working, and you always push yourself harder than anyone else. Above all, you genuinely _care._ And that is more than what anyone can ask for.” Ethan places a tender kiss on the brunet’s hair. “You saved me and my son, you gave the whole world back to me. How could you possibly think you are not good at your job?”

 

“W-well, what if it’s not me? ARI helped me a lot in the case, maybe I wouldn’t have been able to find out who the killer is without it……” Ethan can tell Norman is getting embarrassed because of his compliment and affection. Despite being a capable agent, Norman Jayden isn’t someone who likes to flaunt his accomplishments. This is one of the many qualities of Norman he finds adorable and endearing.

 

“Nonsense. It is about how you utilize that tool. Do you think Carter Blake would have been able to solve the case if he had ARI?” Ethan raises an eyebrow, somewhat pleased to hear a nearly inaudible huff and mumbling of “ _yeah, you are right_ ” from his boyfriend. “I know you feel responsible, but I know the families you worked with appreciates your effort. You were kind, driven, and wanted nothing other than bringing their loved ones back. They can see it, and I am sure they remember it.”

 

“I hope so……” Norman looks up at Ethan with a slight smile, his expression softens at Ethan’s reassurance. He is amazed by Ethan’s ability to always make him feel better when he doubts himself. He knows Ethan is right. What he needs to do now is to continue to improve on his skills so he can become a better agent and save more people. “Thank you, Ethan, for listening and telling me all this.”

 

“Of course, darling.” Ethan finds Norman’s lips quite easily. With heated passion, they share a kiss before both settling back on the bed to sleep. “This is what I am here for.”

 

 

 


End file.
